I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I have fence marks all over my body
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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