I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We have so much sex to catch up on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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