Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
