I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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