hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
