I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
