i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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