and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
