That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
