Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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