I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
