so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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