Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
