then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
