I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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