I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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