Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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