STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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