the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
