i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
