Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
