I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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