Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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