I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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