Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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