he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
