Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
