She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
