I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
