This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
