yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
