How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I intend to get homeless drunk
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
