I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
