the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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