I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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