He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize