My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
