found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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