i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
