no, he came in my armpit
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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