your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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