Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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