At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
