Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You took a bar mat shot.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Randomize
