dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
