i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
