her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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