And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
