dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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