Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
