I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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