Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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