My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
