I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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