i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
