Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
