last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
