i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
