The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
