i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
