This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
