Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
nutella sex= disaster
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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