I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
