I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
