Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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