you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
