Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
