forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
