I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
