Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just pee around me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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