My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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