So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
